I got to the ships doctor's office and found out that clinic hours are 8am to 11am and then again from 4pm to 6pm. It was 1 in the afternoon so I was right in the middle. The receptionist said I could be seen immediately but it would be $122. I asked how much it would cost if I waited until 4 to have my stroke and she said it would be $75. Well, it was only $50 more so I pulled out my health insurance card and slid it across the desk. The receptionist slid it back and said that they don’t accept insurance. Well, now I had a dilemma. I am notoriously cheap so I was weighing the 120 dollars if it turned out to be nothing or hoping the stroke would hit between 4 and 6 pm. I opted for scheduling the stroke for a more convenient time since my odd eyeball was the only symptom.
Back in the room my mum started grilling me: do you have a headache, is your vision blurry, are you seeing spots, are your ears ringing, can I have your grandfather clock when you die? Then she asked me something that I had completely forgotten about…What side of your head is your seasick patch on? I just looked at her dumbfounded and pulled the seasick patch off from behind my right ear. Could it really be that simple?
Turns out it was…we went to supper and then to a couple of shows. By the time we were dressed and ready to go to Carnival my eye was back to normal…so I started drinking. Lol.
Carnival was kind of a let down…it was supposed to be held on the pool deck but it was raining so they moved it all down to the Disco. Still, not too bad because they had drinks there too! And really, the more I drank, the better Carnival was. Booze Goggles…what cant they do?
Around 2 we went back to the room to get some sleep. The shore excursion for the next day was at 8 and I was really looking forward to it…swimming with the sting rays. Steve Irwin, here I come.
Saturday, January 24
The Cruise - Day 2
Ok, so the next morning, we get up and hit the buffet for breakfast (coffee). We had planned to go into the town of Freeport even though our shore excursion had been cancelled so we were grabbing a quick breakfast and we were off. We got ready and left the ship. 2 steps onto the gangplank and the heat hit me like a truck (or what I think being hit by a truck would feel like. Didnt like it, I dont think I am going to do the hit by a truck thing to find out if I was close). I actually stopped for a second in order to acclimate myself to the humidity and 100 degree heat. I was wearing a t-shirt and some denim shorts thinking that would be fine but suddenly I wanted nothing more than to get rid of the clothes. Unfortunately, the rest of the world wanted nothing more than for me to keep my clothes on! My mom was having the same problem and before we got off the gangplank we were both sweating.
A quick walk across the pier brought us to the taxi stand and some small booths that were selling Bahama crap: reed fans, shell necklaces, etc. What they were also selling were dresses - Very pretty, very colorful, very light and flow-y dresses. I found one I liked, paid for it and immediately pulled it over my head. It was a strapless so I was able to ditch the t-shirt, the bra, and the shorts since the dress was below the knee. Yeah, and I did this in the middle of the booth area. I was not waiting a second longer to ditch the clothes. I put what I was wearing in the bag that the dress originally came in and we were off to do more shopping.
Before we hit the Taxi stand I had picked up 3 more dresses and a sarong for the next day. We waited for the cab and before a minute had gone by, one pulled up. It was a mini van and my first thought was “Great. I wont have to sit too close to anyone. 3 in a minivan is plenty”. Well, we chatted with the driver and it turns out they were going to cram 10 of us in the van to take us to Freeport...at $5 each. Oh, and we shouldn’t worry, there were 2 more seats that folded down so they could get even more people in the minivan. At this point, Mum and I declined citing health and safety issues (it was unhealthy and unsafe for anyone to be that close to us when we are hot, sweaty and bitchy), but Jackie climbed right in. Mum and I headed back to the ship. By the time we got halfway there gravity had increased 20 fold and our dresses were soaked. We got up the gangplank and stepped through the hatch and were instantly enveloped by air so cold and refreshing that for a minute I forgot how to breathe. Ahhhhh…heaven.
Back in the room we each took showers and planned to lie down for a while and recover from the heat. As I was standing in front of the mirror combing my fingers through my mop of hair I stopped dead in my tracks. WTH??? I went to the mirror in the room thinking that the light was funny in the bathroom. Nope, it was the same here…my right pupil was dilated so much that you could barely see my iris. The other eye was fine - pupil small, iris big and green. I asked my mom if she could understand what I was saying and had her look at my pupils. She said she could understand me just fine and it was no big deal that one pupil was huge and the other wasn’t.
NO BIG DEAL? I was probably having a stroke…or maybe the intense heat gave me a brain tumor…maybe I was having an aneurysm...or maybe the heat had just boiled my brain…did I mention the stroke? I decided to go with the stroke option since that was quicker and headed down to the ships doctor.
A quick walk across the pier brought us to the taxi stand and some small booths that were selling Bahama crap: reed fans, shell necklaces, etc. What they were also selling were dresses - Very pretty, very colorful, very light and flow-y dresses. I found one I liked, paid for it and immediately pulled it over my head. It was a strapless so I was able to ditch the t-shirt, the bra, and the shorts since the dress was below the knee. Yeah, and I did this in the middle of the booth area. I was not waiting a second longer to ditch the clothes. I put what I was wearing in the bag that the dress originally came in and we were off to do more shopping.
Before we hit the Taxi stand I had picked up 3 more dresses and a sarong for the next day. We waited for the cab and before a minute had gone by, one pulled up. It was a mini van and my first thought was “Great. I wont have to sit too close to anyone. 3 in a minivan is plenty”. Well, we chatted with the driver and it turns out they were going to cram 10 of us in the van to take us to Freeport...at $5 each. Oh, and we shouldn’t worry, there were 2 more seats that folded down so they could get even more people in the minivan. At this point, Mum and I declined citing health and safety issues (it was unhealthy and unsafe for anyone to be that close to us when we are hot, sweaty and bitchy), but Jackie climbed right in. Mum and I headed back to the ship. By the time we got halfway there gravity had increased 20 fold and our dresses were soaked. We got up the gangplank and stepped through the hatch and were instantly enveloped by air so cold and refreshing that for a minute I forgot how to breathe. Ahhhhh…heaven.
Back in the room we each took showers and planned to lie down for a while and recover from the heat. As I was standing in front of the mirror combing my fingers through my mop of hair I stopped dead in my tracks. WTH??? I went to the mirror in the room thinking that the light was funny in the bathroom. Nope, it was the same here…my right pupil was dilated so much that you could barely see my iris. The other eye was fine - pupil small, iris big and green. I asked my mom if she could understand what I was saying and had her look at my pupils. She said she could understand me just fine and it was no big deal that one pupil was huge and the other wasn’t.
NO BIG DEAL? I was probably having a stroke…or maybe the intense heat gave me a brain tumor…maybe I was having an aneurysm...or maybe the heat had just boiled my brain…did I mention the stroke? I decided to go with the stroke option since that was quicker and headed down to the ships doctor.
Note
Well, by now, anyone who knows me knows that I am the daughter in this scenario. I am tired of this line of blogging but again, if you know me you know I cant move on to something else unless I finish what I have started. So I am going to finish the cruise line of blogging in first person because it is just quicker and easier.
Saturday, October 4
The Cruise - Day 1 (Cont.)
Well the departure was a big letdown. There was no departure party like there always was on the Love Boat and the women were still in Miami so it was still 4 bazillion degrees. They were all tired from a full day of travelling and the daughter just wanted to sit for a while. They went to the pool deck to check out the party and as soon as they got off the elevator there was a staff member with a tray of Bahama Mamas. WooHoo. The daughter took 2 and then had to put them back on the tray so she could sign the slip adding them to her room charges. She thought it fitting that her first charge on the ship was BOOZE! LOL.
The women hit the deck and there was a poolside buffet with burgers, dogs, and jerk chicken. They grabbed food to go with the drinks and headed up one flight of stairs. Now they were on the top deck of the ship (deck 12) and the daughter could barely feel it move. They turned the lounge chairs around so they were facing the water and just sat and ate while the ship slowly left the Port of Miami. And it was still 4 bazillion degrees.
After eating and sitting around for about an hour the women were ready to explore the ship since the shops and the casino were open – the women wanted to see what the big floating hotel had to offer. The daughter had put on a seasick patch before they left for the airport that morning so she was doing remarkably well and was having very little problems so exploring was definitely what she wanted to do. They found the theater, the disco, the library, the coffee bar, about 80 restaurants, the jewelry store, and the art gallery. At the point just before the women fell down from exhaustion they headed back to the room…and that is when the problems started.
They got to their tiny room and started to unpack. The daughter didn’t need a lot of drawer space since she only had shorts and tops…she could just put them anywhere. The mother and friend packed their stuff away as well. The friend had the sofa bed that was right next to the balcony and if the bed was out then none of the women could access the balcony so the sofa bed was still folded up. The women spent a little time out on the balcony but it was 3 bazillion degrees and they were all tired so they decided to turn in for the night. That was when they heard a slight noise at the cabin door. The friend went to see what it was and there was a notice in the mailbox. Their shore excursion for the next day had been cancelled due to lack of participants. Well, the women weren’t put out at all since that meant they could sleep later in the morning and they would save the $50 fee.
The friend went to the reception area in order to verify the cancellation and the mother and daughter changed into jammies and slid between the cool, crisp sheets of their beds. The drapes were drawn, the room was dimly lit so the friend wouldn’t kill herself tripping over stuff when she came back, and the temperature was a very pleasant 70 degrees. The mother and daughter were starting to drift off to sleep.
The friend came back in and immediately turned on the lights and the TV. She opened the drapes and the door to the balcony (which automatically turned off the air conditioner) and started talking to the mother and daughter. The mother and daughter, annoyed by the sudden commotion and jarring lights and babble from the TV, asked her to please close the drapes so they would be able to sleep later in the morning. The friend said, “No. this room is too small and I feel claustrophobic with the drapes drawn. Also, I went to check into getting a different room for just me and I can get one without a balcony for $200. I don’t want to spend that money on a room so I will just stay in this one”.
The friend came back in from the balcony and started getting ready for bed, performing the nightly rituals – brush teeth, wash face, etc. She finally pulled out the sofa bed and she too crawled between the cool sheets. She maneuvered a bit to find a relatively comfortable place and then started flipping the channels on the TV. By this time the mother and daughter had had enough of the rudeness and asked her to turn off the TV and go to sleep. It was then explained that the friend had a habit of falling asleep with the TV on. The mother and daughter sighed and laid back down hoping that it wouldn’t take long for the friend to nod off. Fortunately, it took less than 5 minutes and the friend was asleep. The daughter reached over, slid the remote from the friends hand and turned off the incessant noise. The mother turned off the light and all was blissfully quiet, cool, and serene…and then the snoring started.
Next blog: In Freeport, getting naked in public, having an aneurism, and a Foodie’s paradise…next time on AS THE BOAT FLOATS.
The women hit the deck and there was a poolside buffet with burgers, dogs, and jerk chicken. They grabbed food to go with the drinks and headed up one flight of stairs. Now they were on the top deck of the ship (deck 12) and the daughter could barely feel it move. They turned the lounge chairs around so they were facing the water and just sat and ate while the ship slowly left the Port of Miami. And it was still 4 bazillion degrees.
After eating and sitting around for about an hour the women were ready to explore the ship since the shops and the casino were open – the women wanted to see what the big floating hotel had to offer. The daughter had put on a seasick patch before they left for the airport that morning so she was doing remarkably well and was having very little problems so exploring was definitely what she wanted to do. They found the theater, the disco, the library, the coffee bar, about 80 restaurants, the jewelry store, and the art gallery. At the point just before the women fell down from exhaustion they headed back to the room…and that is when the problems started.
They got to their tiny room and started to unpack. The daughter didn’t need a lot of drawer space since she only had shorts and tops…she could just put them anywhere. The mother and friend packed their stuff away as well. The friend had the sofa bed that was right next to the balcony and if the bed was out then none of the women could access the balcony so the sofa bed was still folded up. The women spent a little time out on the balcony but it was 3 bazillion degrees and they were all tired so they decided to turn in for the night. That was when they heard a slight noise at the cabin door. The friend went to see what it was and there was a notice in the mailbox. Their shore excursion for the next day had been cancelled due to lack of participants. Well, the women weren’t put out at all since that meant they could sleep later in the morning and they would save the $50 fee.
The friend went to the reception area in order to verify the cancellation and the mother and daughter changed into jammies and slid between the cool, crisp sheets of their beds. The drapes were drawn, the room was dimly lit so the friend wouldn’t kill herself tripping over stuff when she came back, and the temperature was a very pleasant 70 degrees. The mother and daughter were starting to drift off to sleep.
The friend came back in and immediately turned on the lights and the TV. She opened the drapes and the door to the balcony (which automatically turned off the air conditioner) and started talking to the mother and daughter. The mother and daughter, annoyed by the sudden commotion and jarring lights and babble from the TV, asked her to please close the drapes so they would be able to sleep later in the morning. The friend said, “No. this room is too small and I feel claustrophobic with the drapes drawn. Also, I went to check into getting a different room for just me and I can get one without a balcony for $200. I don’t want to spend that money on a room so I will just stay in this one”.
The friend came back in from the balcony and started getting ready for bed, performing the nightly rituals – brush teeth, wash face, etc. She finally pulled out the sofa bed and she too crawled between the cool sheets. She maneuvered a bit to find a relatively comfortable place and then started flipping the channels on the TV. By this time the mother and daughter had had enough of the rudeness and asked her to turn off the TV and go to sleep. It was then explained that the friend had a habit of falling asleep with the TV on. The mother and daughter sighed and laid back down hoping that it wouldn’t take long for the friend to nod off. Fortunately, it took less than 5 minutes and the friend was asleep. The daughter reached over, slid the remote from the friends hand and turned off the incessant noise. The mother turned off the light and all was blissfully quiet, cool, and serene…and then the snoring started.
Next blog: In Freeport, getting naked in public, having an aneurism, and a Foodie’s paradise…next time on AS THE BOAT FLOATS.
Sunday, September 28
Color Me Stupid
We interrupt this blog to bring you a special bulletin.
If you know your friend is selfish, a control freak, and ungrateful on a normal day don’t expect her to be any other way when she is moving to a new home. In fact, when she is under stress expect her to be all of those things, just more so
I’m just saying…
If you know your friend is selfish, a control freak, and ungrateful on a normal day don’t expect her to be any other way when she is moving to a new home. In fact, when she is under stress expect her to be all of those things, just more so
I’m just saying…
Thursday, September 25
The Cruise - Day 1
The day the three women left for the cruise everyone was up very early. In order to catch their 7:20 AM flight they had to leave for the airport at 4:15. Once there, the friend headed to First Class check in and the mother and daughter headed for general check in. The mother and daughter had 3 bags between them and were unaware that the airline the friend booked them on charged $25 for additional bags. First class however, can check 2 bags per person with no additional charge.
Since they had so much time to wait until the flight, the three women went to breakfast before heading to their gate. After that, it was boarding time and all went well. The first leg of the trip was fine, the mother and daughter had aisle seats and had things to keep them occupied. The second leg of the trip was also fine as the same arrangement was made on the second flight as the first.
When they arrived in Miami they had to go collect their luggage and find the cruise line representative. The representative, Jorge, was a very nice gentleman and carted their luggage to the meeting point for the cruise line. Once there the women found that the shuttle to the ship would not leave for another hour. The daughter asked how much a cab to the ship would cost. Turns out it would cost the same amount as the shuttle. The daughter asked if they could get a refund for the shuttle and just take a cab and everyone laughed…but the daughter was serious. She was tired of being in the airport, tired of travelling and tired of being hot and sticky. They waited the hour for the shuttle.
Once they arrived at the port, they checked in and got their room keys. The room keys are multi-functional since they also serve as a credit card. The ship charges a certain amount on the credit card of your choice and then that amount is the balance on the room key card. So anything that is purchased on the ship just goes on that card. It is convenient, but also sneaky on the ship’s side since it is easy to lose track of what is charged from day to day.
After they checked in it was time to find their room. There were phone calls made before the arrival concerning an upgrade and before the women went to their room the friend wanted to check on the status of the upgrade. That had to be done on the reception deck of the ship so it was onto the ship the women went.
As soon as they stepped on the ship they were greeted by a ship member holding a tray of champagne flutes. They each took a flute and headed to the atrium to sit and look out the huge windows. They headed towards the atrium so the friend could go check on their upgrade status. The mother and daughter sat and relaxed and waited. And waited…and waited. Finally the friend came back and by this time the mother and daughter were annoyed because they had to wait so long. When they asked what took so long the friend stated that she went and booked her next cruise…oh, and they didn’t get the upgrade. The mother and daughter just exchanged glances – they were too tired to do much else.
When they arrived at their cabin they were greeted by their luggage at the door. Once inside they were surprised to see how small the room was. They were told that the room would sleep three but the cruise line failed to mention that the three it slept would need to be super model thin and midget short. At that point they were just happy to be in the room – and they did have a balcony.
Next Blog: The departure, the party, the balcony and the drapes. Stay tuned for more of...As the Boat Floats.
Since they had so much time to wait until the flight, the three women went to breakfast before heading to their gate. After that, it was boarding time and all went well. The first leg of the trip was fine, the mother and daughter had aisle seats and had things to keep them occupied. The second leg of the trip was also fine as the same arrangement was made on the second flight as the first.
When they arrived in Miami they had to go collect their luggage and find the cruise line representative. The representative, Jorge, was a very nice gentleman and carted their luggage to the meeting point for the cruise line. Once there the women found that the shuttle to the ship would not leave for another hour. The daughter asked how much a cab to the ship would cost. Turns out it would cost the same amount as the shuttle. The daughter asked if they could get a refund for the shuttle and just take a cab and everyone laughed…but the daughter was serious. She was tired of being in the airport, tired of travelling and tired of being hot and sticky. They waited the hour for the shuttle.
Once they arrived at the port, they checked in and got their room keys. The room keys are multi-functional since they also serve as a credit card. The ship charges a certain amount on the credit card of your choice and then that amount is the balance on the room key card. So anything that is purchased on the ship just goes on that card. It is convenient, but also sneaky on the ship’s side since it is easy to lose track of what is charged from day to day.
After they checked in it was time to find their room. There were phone calls made before the arrival concerning an upgrade and before the women went to their room the friend wanted to check on the status of the upgrade. That had to be done on the reception deck of the ship so it was onto the ship the women went.
As soon as they stepped on the ship they were greeted by a ship member holding a tray of champagne flutes. They each took a flute and headed to the atrium to sit and look out the huge windows. They headed towards the atrium so the friend could go check on their upgrade status. The mother and daughter sat and relaxed and waited. And waited…and waited. Finally the friend came back and by this time the mother and daughter were annoyed because they had to wait so long. When they asked what took so long the friend stated that she went and booked her next cruise…oh, and they didn’t get the upgrade. The mother and daughter just exchanged glances – they were too tired to do much else.
When they arrived at their cabin they were greeted by their luggage at the door. Once inside they were surprised to see how small the room was. They were told that the room would sleep three but the cruise line failed to mention that the three it slept would need to be super model thin and midget short. At that point they were just happy to be in the room – and they did have a balcony.
Next Blog: The departure, the party, the balcony and the drapes. Stay tuned for more of...As the Boat Floats.
Wednesday, September 24
The Cruise - Prologue
Once upon a time there were three women (actually, there were more than that but for the purposes of this story, there are just three main ones), a mother, a daughter, and a friend. One day the friend visited the mother and daughter and said, “Lets take a cruise. I can get us a great deal on a cruise to the Bahamas if you book it through me. And my cost for the cruise is only going to be $175” The mother and daughter thought about it and decided to go ahead. They each paid the $419 for the cruise.
A few weeks later the friend said that they all had to make their airline reservations since the cruise was out of Miami. The mother and daughter started thinking it over and decided to see what was available leaving from the Port of Baltimore since that was only 30 minutes away. Considering the cost of airfare was an additional $300 on top of the cruise price, the mother and daughter started looking into cruises in the $700 range. The friend said that she didn’t like any of the cruises out of Baltimore and that she was happy with the one out of Miami. So the mother and daughter paid an additional $300 for airfare…in coach. The friend used her frequent flier miles to book her ticket…in first class.
After another few weeks, it was time to book the shore excursions for the days that the ship was going to be in port. The friend wanted to hang out on the beach and do some shopping, the mother and daughter wanted to do some adventures. The mother and daughter booked their shore excursions separately and decided to see what the friend was going to do. Meanwhile, the friend booked their shuttle to and from the ship…at an additional cost of $30.
While the mother and daughter were looking at the website for the cruise they checked out the fares to see how much of a great deal they were getting by booking through their friend. Turns out there was no benefit since the fares the general public got was the same as the fares were the same. Turns out, the only person who got a deal was the friend…who booked her cruise at $175 and paid absolutely nothing to fly there and back in first class. However, if the friend had listened to the mother and daughter and caught a cruise out of Baltimore it would have cost her $700 – the same amount as the mother and daughter…no wonder she was happy with the cruise out of Miami.
The mother and daughter said nothing about it to the friend at this point.
A few weeks later the friend said that they all had to make their airline reservations since the cruise was out of Miami. The mother and daughter started thinking it over and decided to see what was available leaving from the Port of Baltimore since that was only 30 minutes away. Considering the cost of airfare was an additional $300 on top of the cruise price, the mother and daughter started looking into cruises in the $700 range. The friend said that she didn’t like any of the cruises out of Baltimore and that she was happy with the one out of Miami. So the mother and daughter paid an additional $300 for airfare…in coach. The friend used her frequent flier miles to book her ticket…in first class.
After another few weeks, it was time to book the shore excursions for the days that the ship was going to be in port. The friend wanted to hang out on the beach and do some shopping, the mother and daughter wanted to do some adventures. The mother and daughter booked their shore excursions separately and decided to see what the friend was going to do. Meanwhile, the friend booked their shuttle to and from the ship…at an additional cost of $30.
While the mother and daughter were looking at the website for the cruise they checked out the fares to see how much of a great deal they were getting by booking through their friend. Turns out there was no benefit since the fares the general public got was the same as the fares were the same. Turns out, the only person who got a deal was the friend…who booked her cruise at $175 and paid absolutely nothing to fly there and back in first class. However, if the friend had listened to the mother and daughter and caught a cruise out of Baltimore it would have cost her $700 – the same amount as the mother and daughter…no wonder she was happy with the cruise out of Miami.
The mother and daughter said nothing about it to the friend at this point.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)