The Business of Death

My best friend, Trala’s, dad is dying. It is real now. Before, he was just sick and everyone was trying to get him healthier and accommodate his new needs. Well, last Tuesday he went into the hospital because he had fluid around his heart, again. They admitted him to Hospice Wednesday night. Trala has said that he wont pass away in the next week, but he probably wont last a month. *sigh*

I don’t know what to do for her. I adore Trala and she has helped me cope with some stuff without even knowing she was being helpful. She is always truthful - sometimes to the point of hilarity, one comment she made about me not being a nice person made me laugh so hard my asthma started acting up – and is scarily logical. But death, and imminent death, is not logical. No, that isn’t right, death is logical and expected, the grief associated with death is not logical. I mean it is logical that one would feel grief, but it is not that cut and dried. It isn’t a linear progression, everyone’s grief is different, and some feel it more than others.

Then there is the business of death. All of the little details that have to be taken care of after a death. Not the funeral or the reception, but the stuff afterwards: the removal of the deceased from the legal papers and the accounts, the life insurance, and the last of the medical bills. Stuff that you know is going to have to be taken care of but when they come it is strange that it is so impersonal. A death disrupts the lives of those left, but to others it is just…business.

I have cooked individual meals for the family and frozen them so they can eat something quick without having to think about it. I think the best I can do for Trala and her family is to just support them right now. But I am having a hard time doing that because of the death business. There are already so many services for families during this time that it is difficult to find anything that hasn’t been taken care of. That is good for Trala and her family, but hard for me. I have offered my services in any way I can so I will just wait until they need me. Have I mentioned that I am not good at waiting?